SMH Announces New “No Retirement” Policy

With an increasing number of staff planning to retire this year amid global staffing shortages, Human Resources recently announced that all pending employee retirements will be canceled, effective immediately.

“We apologize for any inconvenience, but any employees who had planned to retire any time between April 1 and Dec. 31, 2022 must remain part of the SMH team, at least through the hospital’s 100th anniversary in 2025, or longer if staffing challenges persist,” said Human Resources Vice President Laurie Bennett. “Any would-be retiree who had plans to travel or move out of the region are asked to cancel them and get their deposits back, as we need them here.”

Given their many years of dedicated service to SMH, it should come as no surprise that most staff who planned to retire this year said they supported the new “No Retirement Policy.”

“I recently announced my plans to retire at the end of the year,” said Chief Financial Officer Bill Woeltjen. “But if Tom Brady could decide to end his retirement after two months and risk his health and well-being, it’s a small sacrifice for me to stay at SMH and work on budgets for the next several years. And my wife was extremely supportive of my decision to remain at work rather than stay home.”

HR VP Laurie Bennett promised to give a new SMH pen, tumbler and badge holder to any retiring employee who has already cleaned out his or her work area. Staff members whose retirements were cut short also will receive a special “Infinite Service” platinum pin, to complement their collection of gold service anniversary pins.

“Employees who have worked here awhile typically have a drawer full of SMH pens, cups and other commemorative items,” said Laurie. “Staff who threw away these goodies because they thought they were retiring will receive a starter kit with new items.”

HR is developing a detailed “sliding scale” employee retirement policy that would allow longtime employees to retire based on their years of service, with the longest-serving employees required to stay on the most years. For instance, starting next year, staff with 30-plus years of service will be asked to work at least another 5-10 years.

“The longer an employee has worked here, the less we can afford to lose their insider knowledge and how to get things done,” Laurie said. “This is a win-win situation: We benefit from longtime staff’s continued excellent service and expertise. We also likely will be saving many marriages and relationships that might not have survived retirement.”

Employees with questions can call a new hotline, staffed by SMH Retirement Advisor Avril LeFou, at 941-917-1713.